Tippy Headron

I'm downtown and sitting in my jeep on the phone getting ready to leave, idly wondering as I watch the meter tick down if they would give me a ticket if I was actually in my car still. I strongly prefer not to drive while on the phone. I make exceptions on the interstate while just trucking along, but downtown Derby holiday traffic is quite another matter. I'm chit chatting away, engine off, and notice something on the sidewalk.

It's a pigeon, sort of huddled up next to the wall. It's not standing, its sitting there, slightly poofed out with its legs tucked away. I sort of wonder if it might be injured, although its giving no other signs of being so, but don't think too much on it as I will niether save this bird nor would I consider 'putting it out of its misery.'

Another pigeon comes along. It's beautiful with its metallic green sheen on its chest, strutting about the sitting bird. I look away as I'm talking and when I look back the green chested pigeon in fluttering away on top of the sitting pigeon--seemingly doing the thing we refer to as the former half of the phrase 'the birds and the bees.'

I joke into the phone, "man, it's getting a bit Animal Kingdom out here. There's a couple of pigeons having their own derby party here, eew."

I decide to give the birds some privacy and look away. Some birds flutter in front of my window as they come to land with the couple. I look over to see that four more have joined. I make the obligatory orgy joke, which I immediately regret as birds number 2, 3, 4, and 5 begin taking turns on the sitting bird.

I know this has nothing to do with me, nothing even to do with my species, but actually I'm finding it disturbing. It's like some bizzare gang bang attack. I explain into the phone what's happening and, apologies for my craziness expressed, explain I'm seriously going to have to get off the phone and drive away.

Then, while bird number five is up there, Greenchest gives two quick pecks to the sitting birds head. "Oh hell no! I've got to get off the phone!" The birds continue taking turns flapping on top and then giving two or three pecks to her head, all as she just sits there. It completely freaks me out, and I drive away.

As I pass a reflectively windowed building I see my trick tire has gone half-way to flat again, but don't want to stop anywhere near the horror to get air.

I have no idea if the bird was injured and so being ill-treated, as I know birds will all turn on an injured one, or if it some common, but yucky, spring mating ritual with pigeons. I actaully felt a bit guilty over having just left them all there--as if pigeons fall under the good samaritan law or something. I know that adultry to produce stronger offspring is common in birds, so maybe its a prostituion ring or something. I blame it all on urban sprawl myself, and now that I've typed it here and got it out of my system I plan to regulate it to the denial/forgotten category of my brain.